You Only Have Energy for Three Things

Most people I work with are trying to do everything at once, and I think that's a big part of why so many of them feel like they're failing. They want to sort their money, get fitter, spend more time with the kids, start a side project, keep up with mates, keep the house under control, and somehow find a bit of time for themselves. That's seven or eight things, and in my experience you've got energy for about three at any given time. I have no counselling or psychological background, but I've got a philosophy, and that's pretty much it... three things.

(This might be my undiagnosed ADHD)…

So what happens when you try to carry eight? Everything gets a little bit of your attention, nothing really moves, and you end up feeling behind on all of it, which is exhausting in a way that's hard to explain to anyone who isn't living it.

Why can't I focus on everything at once

You probably do have the hours. If you mapped out your week you could likely fit eight goals in on paper, and that's the trap, because focus runs on energy more than time. Every goal needs decisions, and discipline, and you saying no to other stuff, and all of that costs you something. Spread it across too many things and none of them get enough to stick, so you're starting and stopping and adding to a mental to do list that never gets any shorter.

I see this all the time with money. Someone comes to me wanting to budget better, pay off debt, start investing, review their KiwiSaver, plan for retirement, save a house deposit and build an emergency fund, so that's seven money goals, and they've also got a full time job, kids who need them, a relationship that needs some attention, and a body telling them to move more and sleep better. Something's got to give, right? When I ask what their three things are right now, most people can't answer, and to be fair that's normal. Most people never get to choose their three... life chooses for them, and they've never stopped long enough to pick what matters most in this season.

How do you make progress on more than three things

Here's the part I like. When you pick your three and put your energy into them, they turn into routine, and once something's routine it barely needs any energy at all. The gym becomes what you do on Tuesday and Thursday mornings, the budget becomes a fifteen minute look on a Sunday night, and work settles into a rhythm where you know what needs doing and when. And once something's handled like that it drops off your list, which frees up a spot for the side hustle or the relationship or the new skill or whatever's next. One out, one in.

A client came to me last year completely overwhelmed. She had credit card debt, no budget, nothing going into KiwiSaver, she wanted to start saving for a house, she wanted to get back into running, and she was trying to plan a career change, so six big things all fighting for the same bit of energy. We picked three, which were getting out of debt on the credit card, setting up a simple budget she'd stick to, and getting back into running, and everything else went on hold, which was hard for her because she wanted it all sorted yesterday.

Three months later the credit card was gone, the budget had become automatic, and she was running three times a week without really thinking about it. So we swapped one out. The debt was done, so KiwiSaver came in, and she kept the budget and the running because they were just what she did now. Six months after that she'd lifted her KiwiSaver contributions, started a house deposit fund, and was seriously looking at the career change, because she finally had the headspace to think it through. That was all her, I just helped her pick.

Why is it so hard to stick to your three things

What I left out of that story is that picking the three was the easy bit. Protecting them was the hard part, because there's always something easier to do instead. Netflix, scrolling, the third beer, video games, the footy, comfort food... and when life gets hard, comfort is magic. I know because I've lived it.

At 23 I got laid off. I was angry and embarrassed and I had no idea what to do next, so I gambled, because it felt like I was doing something, like I was making progress, when really I was avoiding the hard work of figuring out what came next.

And I still struggle with sugar. I've seriously thought about asking the dairy to ban me, because if I walk in there I'm walking out with lollies, and it's worse when I'm stressed, because stress makes me want comfort more than progress. We've all got our thing, I think... the stuff we reach for when our three things feel too hard.

Am I recharging or avoiding

The question that changed things for me is pretty simple. Am I using this to recharge, or am I using it to avoid? One gives you energy back for your three things and the other one drains it.

Recharging is a movie with your partner because you want to spend time together, or an hour of gaming because you enjoy it, or a Friday beer with mates because that connection matters. Avoiding is two hours of scrolling because you don't want to think about tomorrow, or a series you don't even like because it fills the gap, or the fourth drink because facing what's going on feels too hard. Same activities, different reasons, and you can usually tell afterwards, because recharging leaves you feeling lighter and avoiding leaves you feeling guilty and behind. Your nervous system knows, you just have to listen to it.

It shows up with couples a lot. One partner is ready to tackle the budget and the debt and the goals, and the other is scrolling or gaming or spending, and there's tension because they're moving at different speeds. Usually the one avoiding cares just as much, they're overwhelmed, and comfort feels safer than progress. If that's you or your partner, I'm not judging, I've been the one avoiding plenty of times.

Where to start

Try this. Write down your three things, the three that need your energy in this season, which might be different from the three that sound impressive or the three you think you should pick. Then let yourself off the hook for everything else, just for now.

Then start noticing when you reach for comfort, and ask yourself whether you're recharging or avoiding. If it's recharging, enjoy it, you need rest. If it's avoiding, that's fine too, you know now, and knowing is what lets you choose something different next time.

And if money stress is taking up one of your spots, or two, give me a follow on the various social medial platforms!

And that's how you take control of your money, the Maverick Way.